


Bloodstained Heart

by Pixie_Queen24 (FallenAngel69)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, Community: cookleta, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 22:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngel69/pseuds/Pixie_Queen24
Summary: From 2012: Cook confesses his love for Archie, and Archie goes on a mission. (vague, I know.)





	Bloodstained Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gliese581](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gliese581/gifts).



**June 17, 2015**

Walking out of the villa that he’d rented for the week, Archie made his way down the plank boardwalk, faintly aware of the bottle of tequila dangling from his hand. Night had fallen only an hour before and already the beach seemed desolate. He didn’t mind though, silence and solitude is what he craved, what he’d been seeking when he decided to leave LA. The Virgin Islands couldn’t have been a better place to go. As he slumped down into a wooden chair that was situated in the midst of sand reed and marram grass, he took in his surroundings.

Just beyond the sand, the waves lapped at the shoreline, the water shimmering in the light of a full moon. He should have been content with the serenity of it all, but he wasn’t. His mind was a million miles away with the person he’d loved and hurt. It was the blinding knowledge that he could never right his wrongs that hurt the most.

Determined to erase those thoughts, he pulled the cap off the tequila bottle. Normally, Archie didn’t drink. He’d always been taught that it was wrong.  He’d just decided to add it to the growing list of sinful things he had supposedly done. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He was numb; oblivious to everything but the crippling pain in his heart.

*****

**December 22, 2011**

Archie sat up in bed, startled by the loud rapping on his hotel room door. One glance at the clock on the nightstand told him it was well past two in the morning. Furrowing his brow in confusion and concern, he climbed out of bed.

Before opening the door, he peered through the peep hole, surprised to see a disheveled looking David Cook standing impatiently in the dimly lit, deserted hallway. “Cook?” he asked as he pulled the door open.

“When were you going to tell me?” David pushed past him into the room, unwilling to wait for an invite.

It took a moment for Archie to realize what it was exactly that David was talking about, but once he had, words escaped him and he mumbled, “I...I wasn’t sure how.”

“Well, anything would have been better than a fucking video on youtube!”

Archie flinched at David’s tone as well as his choice of words. “I’m sorry! Please lower your voice.” The last thing Archie wanted to do was wake the people in the rooms around him.

David shot Archie a menacing glare, but complied because he remembered where they were and that it was the middle of the night. “So what were you going to do? Just leave without so much as a goodbye?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that,” Archie said in a much calmer voice than even he expected. “I was going to tell you. I just wasn’t ready.”

“But you were ready to tell everyone else in the world? I thought we were friends.”

“We were...Are!” Archie tried to correct his blunder, but it was too late. The pain in David’s eyes spoke volumes.

It was almost as if every ounce of anger drained out of David and was replaced by a much quieter disposition. “So this is about what I told you last month?”

Archie knew David was talking about what he’d said after the RMH benefit, but he didn’t really want to remember that whole conversation. “You know I’ve wanted to do a mission with the church for years. I told you that much before.”

“But you also said just this past summer that you weren’t going.”

“I had a change of heart.” Archie sighed heavily. The adrenaline of being startled awake was wearing off and fatigue was setting back in. “Cook, it’s almost three A.M. and... oh my gosh, I can’t believe you came all the way to Colorado to ask me this. Couldn’t you have called?”

Feeling dejected and suddenly very pathetic, David’s shoulders slumped and he sat down on the edge of Archie’s bed. “Yeah... Stupid me, huh?”

Archie took a deep breath and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry,” He tried again. “I should have told you before I announced it publicly.”

“Would have been nice,” David said regretfully. “I’m sorry too, though. I should have kept my mouth shut back in New York.”

“That’s not...”

“Seriously, Arch?” David interrupted. “You’re really going to tell me that it had no impact on your decision?” He huffed indignantly as Archie’s expression changed. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

“It threw me off, Cook. I had no idea that you were—well that you like men, let alone the fact that you like ME.”

“I don’t remember using the word  _like_.”

“Call it what you want. Either way, I didn’t expect it and I’m... I don’t know. I just need to get away.”

“From me.” David concluded with a frown. “Ya know, I left LA tonight thinking that there might be some way for me to get you to change your mind.”

“About going on the mission?” Archie asked, desperately hoping that was all that David was referring to.

“And about me.”

“Cook...”

“You’re not even going to let me try, are you?”

“I’m not—I mean, I can’t be...” Tears welled up in Archie eyes and he couldn’t look at David for another second so he turned his head, hoping to stop himself from crying. “I’m sorry.”

A moment later, David reached out and placed his finger under Archie’s chin, coaxing him to look up. “Just one thing, Arch. And then if you still don’t feel anything for me, I’ll leave.”

“Why won’t you just believe me?”

“Because I notice things,” David explained boldly even though he knew he was on the verge of a broken heart. “Like, how you never pull away from me when I invade your space. You don’t shy away when I touch you,” David slid his hand up to cup Archie’s cheek and rubbed his thumb in gentle circles. “Like this...”

Archie couldn’t fight the urge to close his eyes as David’s touch made his pulse quicken and suddenly he forgot how to breathe. A soft gasp escaped him as David’s lips fell upon his and he froze, paralyzed with shock.

David felt Archie go stiff beside him, but he didn’t stop. He kissed Archie’s lips slowly, cradling his face gently in his palms; wishing that he would just kiss him back.

Mere seconds passed before Archie finally relaxed, and his lips began to move against David’s in slow, soft strokes. He whimpered and unconsciously leaned into David, momentarily getting lost in his first kiss.

Unfortunately for David though, that was short lived. As soon as Archie’s mind cleared a little, he pressed his palms against David’s chest and pushed him back. “No...” he gasped. “No, Cook.”

****

David left that night, slamming the door behind him, and that was the last Archie heard from him while he was still in The States. After that, Archie threw himself into his work until he finally left to begin the two year mission.

He truly thought that immersing himself in religion and staying as far away from David Cook as possible would help. But by the time the two years were up, he was in no better shape than he had been when he started. In fact, he was worse off than he had been. The whole time he’d been gone, David had stayed with him. Sometimes he was tucked away in the back of his mind, but there nonetheless.

Archie prayed about it. He did everything in his power to change the way he felt about the other man, but it was pointless. Someone or something would always remind him of David. He was even in the little things. There was no escape, and finally Archie came to terms with that.

It took him two weeks after returning to Utah to decide what he was going to do.  After that, it took another two weeks for him to work up the nerve to go see David. 

****

**May 28, 2014**

When he knocked on the front door, he wasn’t surprised to see Andrew when it swung open, but he could tell almost instantly that Andrew was surprised to see him. Really, why wouldn’t he be?  

“Wow. Long time no see,” Andrew said. Although he hadn’t been rude, Archie could hear the tinge of malice in his voice and it made him cringe.

“Hey, Drew. Is um... is David home?”

Andrew’s mouth curled into something between a smirk and snarl. “No, and he won’t be for a long time.”

“Oh. Is he on tour?” Archie furrowed his brow and wondered why his sisters hadn’t mentioned David’s new music. They sometimes kept up with David better than they did him.

“He’s not on tour,” Andrew told him. “He doesn’t do that anymore. Apparently he lost his desire to make music after you left.”

“He what?”

“He hasn’t performed in almost two years.”

“B-because of me?” Archie asked, feeling like he might become sick as he was filled with guilt and regret. “But how, I mean why would he?”

“You knew his history, Archie. How many disappointments do you think one person can handle before they break? He said it was pointless to write music anymore when it all sounded the same to him.”

“He must hate me,” Archie murmured, looking down at the concrete step on which he was standing.

“David wouldn’t know the first thing about hating you, Archie. As much as I wish he would, I don’t think he’ll ever get over you.”

“I need to talk to him. Where is he?”

“Fort Jackson, South Carolina,” Andrew replied without hesitation as if he’d been waiting to spring that on Archie the whole time. “You better hurry. He ships out Friday morning.”

****

It took a lot of phone calls and some string pulling, but Archie was eventually given clearance. He was still unable to believe that David had actually quit the music business and joined the military. Actually, it wasn’t until he saw him that it finally felt real.

“What are you doing here?” David asked gruffly as he walked into the visitor’s lounge and saw that it was Archie waiting to see him.

Archie was momentarily rendered speechless as he took in the sight of David standing there in his uniform, waiting for an answer. He had changed quite a bit since Archie had last seen him. And it wasn’t in a bad way. “I...I just got back a few weeks ago,” Archie replied, unsure of how to answer David’s question.  Apparently, that wasn’t the right way because David only stared at him, his eyes icy and his expression unreadable. “I’ve missed you.”

David didn’t say anything at first. He just continued to stare until the younger man turned away from his gaze. Even then, the only word out of his mouth was “Why?”

“You were right, Cook. I signed up for that mission to get away from you. I thought—I thought it would help. I didn’t want to admit that I had feelings for you. Do you have any idea what I would have lost? My church has always been a huge part of my life. My fans—how would I explain it to them? And as much as I don’t want to believe it, my family. They would have disowned me.”

“So what has changed?”

“I realized that no matter what I do or where I go, I’m always going to be in love with you. No loss would be greater than not having you in my life.” He watched David’s face, hoping to see just a hint of forgiveness, but he didn’t. David’s face stayed just as hard as it had been when he walked into the room. “I thought about how different my life was without you in it. Two whole years without seeing you—without hearing your voice,” he hesitated for a second as blush crept into his cheeks. “Without feeling your touch,  it was miserable. _I_  was miserable. Just not having you as a friend made me  _that_  depressed and I now know just how much I need you; how much I  _want_  you.”

“And your church? Their beliefs?”

“They’ve had control over my beliefs for too long.” Archie waited for David to say more but he only stood there in a rather intimidating way. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“What do you want me to say? That it’s ok? That I forgive you? It’s not that easy, Archie. You chose everything  _over_  me when I was willing to give up everything  _for_  you. That’s not easy to get over. I can’t just let it go because you had another change of heart.”

“Cook…”

“It’s too late, Archie.”

****

**June 18, 2015**

Tear drops splashed sporadically on clear plastic as Archie sat on the sofa flipping through pages upon pages of pictures. Bless his mother for making albums of his American Idol journey. There were so many shots of him and David—so many memories with each one. How could he have ever missed the love shining in David’s eyes? How did he not feel it in his own heart?

He glanced up, hearing a knock on the door, but he ignored it, thinking it was probably just a neighbor needing to ask about the area or some other nonsense. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened since he’d arrived on the island.

However, whoever was on that side of the door wasn’t giving up. Archie slammed the album shut and got up grumbling under his breath as he walked to the front door. He was about to say something unfriendly when he flung the door open, but the words died on his tongue and his breath caught in his throat. There, standing on the other side of the door clad in his combat uniform, was David.

The older man didn’t say anything. He simply stared at Archie, his hazel eyes shining with the same love that had always been there—not the iciness from the last time Archie had seen him.

“Cook…” That was all Archie could manage. Seeing David there was such a surprise and such a relief, he couldn’t wrap his mind around the shock of it all. Fortunately, he didn’t have to say a word. Before he knew what was happening, David had him in his arms and was hugging him as though his whole life depended on it. Archie threw his arms around him and squeezed his eyes shut letting a few tears roll over his cheeks.

They stood in the doorway like that for what seemed like hours to Archie. He’d never thought that he would get this chance again; never thought it was possible, so he hung on for as long as he could.

“What are you doing here?” Archie asked when David finally let him go. “I…I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“I had to see  _you_ ,” David replied. “I got all the letters and emails that you wrote. I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you, Archie.”

Archie felt his chest tightening up, and he couldn’t breathe. Those were words he never expected to hear from David. “Y-you do?”

“Yes, I do, and I’m sorry for being an ass when you came to see me at Fort Jackson. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I love you, Archie. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

“I love you, too,” Archie whispered, as David pulled him close once again.

****

Archie jerked awake, the taste of David’s lips still lingering on his own and David’s words of love echoing in his ears. “Oh Cook,” he whispered, touching his own lips with the tips of his trembling fingers. More tears immediately filled his eyes when he looked out to the ocean, realizing that he had fallen asleep and that it was only a dream. The sun was just beginning to peak up over the horizon indicating that he’d slept through the night. A dull pounding in his head told him that the Tequila was to blame. Under normal circumstances, he would have been thankful for finally having a night of slumber.

After replaying the rapidly fading dream in his mind, he reached into his pocket and searched around until his fingers wrapped around a piece of crumpled paper. Sniffling quietly, he unfolded the worn letter. He’d read it probably a hundred times hoping to find a bit of peace in David’s words, but he knew that peace would never come. 

****

**May 3, 2015**

Even after the room cleared out, Archie remained glued to his seat near the front. He couldn’t stop staring despondently at the display in front of him. Draped with an American flag was a shiny, black casket, trimmed elegantly with gold-plated edges. Next to the casket was an easel that held a large 12x18 framed photo of the fallen soldier. That was just something that Archie couldn’t bear to look at.

About thirty minutes earlier, Archie had sat down and fixed his eyes on a spray of red and white roses accented with Bells of Ireland and two blue ribbons that read “son” and “brother” in metallic gold letters. He’d counted the roses at least fifty times just to give his mind a rest from the swirling “what ifs” and “should haves” that he’d been torturing him since the moment he got the news.

He barely noticed when someone sat down in the chair next to his. In fact, he didn’t even know who it was until a soft, warm hand closed around his. His heart began to thump hard against his chest as he turned his head to look at her. He’d avoided her the entire time he’d been at the viewing. It was out of fear, of course. He couldn’t shake the thought that she might blame him as much as  _he_  blamed himself.

“He loved you,” Beth said.

“I know,” Archie replied, his voice cracking with raw emotion. “This is all my fault.”

“It’s not,” Beth said in a solemn tone. “You didn’t force him to enlist.”

Archie didn’t reply as tears finally spilled from his eyes for the first time that day. He felt a pang of guilt as Beth put her arm around and pulled him into a hug. He couldn’t shake the fact that he was the reason for David’s decision, and no one could tell him otherwise. “If I’d just told him the truth, none of this would have happened,” he finally choked out between sniffs.

“Honey, it’s not your fault.”

“I loved him too. I’ve loved him for years,” he admitted. “I was just too afraid to accept it.”

“I know,” Beth soothed even though her voice was cracking.

“I should have told him sooner. I was so stupid.” Archie insisted while Beth tightened her hold on him. “I never meant to hurt him.”

“The last time I talked to him, he talked about you. He said that you’d been writing and emailing him.”

“I was trying to make sure he knew that I made a mistake and that I was really, truly sorry for it. He never replied. I don’t even know if he read them.”

“He did,” she assured him. “He told me that once he was home, he wanted to try a relationship with you.”

With that bit of news, Archie’s breath hitched in his throat and he felt his heart begin to pound.

“He was excited about it,” she continued. “So there is no doubt that he forgave you.”

Archie’s quiet sniffles turned into something akin to hyperventilation and he tried to pull away from Beth, but she held on to him until he finally collapsed against her, trembling with heart-wrenching sobs.

Beth, though grief-stricken herself, stayed with him, gently consoling him until his sobs had subsided into quiet hiccups. Then she spoke again. “I have something for you.”

Curiously, Archie sat up, staring at her with bloodshot eyes. He wondered how she was holding it together so well when he was falling apart.

“David also told me that he was going to write you a letter,” she began while reaching into her purse that hung from her shoulder. “He wanted to let you know that he finally understood.”

Archie swallowed thickly as she pulled an envelope from the bag and handed it to him.

“This was in his pocket. It’s addressed to you,” she exhaled slowly and reached back into her purse. “And I want you to have these.”

Archie blinked back more tears as Beth took his hand and turned it over. Carefully, she placed a set of dog tags into his palm. “Are you sure?” he asked, gazing at the small heap of metal in his hand.

She nodded. “David would have wanted you to have them, too.”

Archie nodded understandingly and closed his fingers around the cold tags as Beth got up preparing to leave. “Thank you.”

****

**June 18, 2015**

Archie chewed his lower lip as he read David’s letter for what must have been the hundredth time in the last month. In it, David answered every question that Archie had ever asked in his own letters and emails. David also talked about wanting to start a relationship with him when he finally got home. But what hurt Archie the most was the fact that David apologized to him.  _David apologized._

Archie didn’t understand why David thought he had anything to be sorry for. It was all Archie’s fault that they weren’t together.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Archie said aloud. He knew in his heart that David was apologizing for how he’d acted when Archie went to see him at Fort Jackson. The thing was, Archie had never held that against him. He would have probably done the exact same thing had their roles been reversed.

Archie grabbed the half-empty tequila bottle and got up. He stood there for a while just watching the waves crashing against the shore. Thoughts of David constantly plagued his mind and he longed for the ability to turn back the hands of time and make everything right again.

Finally, he reached into his shirt and pulled the dog tags from inside it. He hadn’t taken them off since the night Beth had given them to him. He felt that wearing them kept a part of David close to his heart. After another few minutes of staring at them as they lay against the palm of his hand, he took them from around his neck and heaved a heavy sigh. “I’d do anything if I could just see you again.”

Turning around, he set the tequila bottle down on top of the letter that he’d left lay on the wide arm of the chair. Then he placed a kiss against the cool metal tags and then hung them around the neck of the bottle before turning to walk away.

As he walked towards the rising sun, he let himself get lost in thoughts of what could have been until he barely noticed the gradual swell of water. As he made his way past the sandbar, he could feel David’s presence. The older man was beckoning to him, encouraging him to be brave.

Closing his tired, bloodshot eyes, Archie focused on David’s smiling face. Within seconds he felt a sense of peace wash over him; warm and inviting. “I love you, Cook,” he whispered just before a large wave rolled in and pulled him under.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know or own either of the Davids, this is just my wild, twisted imagination at work....deal with it. Yeah, there is a longer disclaimer that I should add but until then, don't sue me. I have nothing anyways.


End file.
